Making Janeane Garofalo Happy

“It’s about hating a black man in the White House. That is racism straight up. This is nothing but a bunch of tea-bagging rednecks.  . . . The functionally retarded adults, the racists—with their cries of, ‘I want my country back.’—what they’re really saying is, ‘I want my white guy back.’”
  — Janeane Garofalo*

I've got the solution to this whole thing.

If Garofalo will agree to help us get Herman Cain elected, we'll somehow get over our "conservative bigotry"  and present a united front with our liberal friends.  She would no doubt completely back Bill Clinton, so a few spurious claims of sexual harassment should be no big deal.  Cain has nothing on Slick Willie for sex scandal.

We could have 16 consecutive years of black leadership, but it would also be a kind of diversity.  Conservatives could then share the fun by calling any liberal criticism of Cain a sinister expression of racism.  I don't see why progressives should have all the fun with that.  And when they dismiss Cain as some kind of misogynist, we can have the fun of saying, "C'mon, everybody does it," like our progressive friends admonished us back in the 90s for the silly prudishness of that sick crowd that thinks it's inappropriate for CEOs to fondle their employees.  Juanita Broaddrick, Kathleen Willey, ... But hey! Groupies?!  Who hasn't grabbed a little at some point, eh?  What's the big deal?

Some of us have been a little suspicious of the claims against Cain — the timing is a little too reminiscent of Clarence Thomas.  But hey, let's say that Cain is a bit like Clinton (or like fictional liberal candidates Mike Morris and Jack Stanton); that can't be such a bad thing to a liberal. And I think that black Democrats and conservatives of every ethnicity can agree on giving Herman Cain a shot at running the nation.  

Then again, I hear that Garofalo would just think that our support for Herman Cain (or Clarence Thomas or Condoleeza Rice or Thomas Sowell or Ben Carson or whomever) is just a cover for our inherent racism. But let's turn that around.  Maybe Garofalo's support for Obama is just a cover for her liberal racism.  Maybe the ugly comments she and other liberals make about Clarence Thomas and other blacks that dare to mutiny from the liberal fold reflect their core feelings which they hide when it comes to the puppets that do their bidding.  That's what liberals have been saying about Condoleeza Rice's career so why can't we generalize about the Democratic party?