Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Global Hoaxing

Can anyone name the most profitable scam in human history? No, not Ponzi schemes- even at best those never cross the billion dollar mark (unless you count Social Security). Not extended service plans- although Squaretrade is reported to pull in over $13B a year. At this point a liberal would smugly inform us that religion is the greatest scam of all. And that's ironic since they came up with the only con that's poised to cross the trillion dollar mark: Global Warming.

Earlier this year the World Economic Forum's "Davos Report" called for extorting- sorry, I should say extracting $14T from various countries to "help fight Global Warming."

Let's go through some history:

First, we got told that these scientists had computer models that predicted dire things- all the coasts underwater from the melted ice caps (although that prediction did lead to the movie Waterworld, so I guess we can't claim Global Warming didn't cause some human suffering). A dramatic increase in hurricanes, tornadoes, and lightning. Possibly even earthquakes and volcanoes!

"Oh, my!" We all said. And then it occurred to someone to ask "if your computer models are so great, why can't you accurately predict what the weather will be like tomorrow?!"

"Uh, well," the Climate Change Hoaxers stammered, "there's a very good reason for that but you wouldn't understand that because you're not a scientist. See, only fully-funded climatologists can understand this stuff. Speaking of which, we know Global Warming to be a fact because 97% of all scientists agree.  We have a consensus.

About a billion people (roughly one-sixth of the Earth's population) have already brought up the point that science isn't a popularity contest where scientists vote on which theory becomes the Prom King.  It's not a Trident commercial ("...four out of five dentists surveyed recommend Global Warming to their patients who seem dumb...").  Supposedly what makes Science so superior to Religion is the strict adherence to measurable, repeatable observations.  Hard data.  You know, actual facts.  So the whole consensus nonsense is a non-starter right out of the gate.  It's just as ridiculous as saying "we can't tell you the weather tomorrow but we can tell you the climate fifty years from now."

But, as long as they brought it up, it turns out the "97% consensus" is a complete fraud anyway.

"But, but, but, the UN says Global Warming is real! They won a Nobel Prize for it!"
Man, that had to be the proudest moment in Al Gore's life. He flew on his private jet to Stockholm, spewing more carbon than a million Priuses in a year, to receive a Nobel Prize for his contributions to the very scam that paid for the private jet to begin with!

But still the people kept turning away from THE TRUTH. They kept listening to the people pointing out the really inconvenient truths, like the fact that the Earth's climate varies all by itself. That the planet had warm periods and ice ages long before the industrial age. That the temperature of the Earth may have something to do with that oft-forgotten orb at the center of our Solar system, the Sun. And so the Hoaxers found the one piece of irrefutable evidence on which they could rest their whole case: THE ARCTIC ICE IS MELTING!!!

They had pictures from NASA! They had pictures of polar bears swimming and (according to the Hoaxers) feeling really sad about it! The Northwest Passage would be completely free of ice by 2013! God help us all if there are ships north of Canada. That would be worse than dogs and cats living together!

The climate change skeptics (pejoratively dubbed "Deniers" by the Hoaxers) patiently pointed out that the temperature's only gone up 0.8degC in the last fifty years- and none at all in the last fifteen. They tried explaining that the ice melts every summer and polar bears actually enjoy swimming. They even produced evidence that the Antarctic ice sheet is thicker than ever. But none of that mattered. Because the Arctic ice is almost gone! Irrefutable proof of Global Warming.

Here's the problem in two pictures from NASA:

Yep, the Arctic ice sheet has grown by 60% in one year. The very year the last of the ice was predicted to have melted.

Hilariously, the captains of fourteen yachts and one cruise ship believed the Hoaxer's lies about the "Northwest Passage" and are now firmly stuck in the ice.

It's tough to say which is more embarrassing: The Arctic ice that spontaneously grew back or the over-the-top Hurricane Doom 2013 predictions handed out by climatologists a few months before the quietest start to the Atlantic hurricane season in decades.

Yes, I am aware that the generally accepted term for these people is Global Warming Alarmists. I don't think that quite fits, though. An alarmist is a Chicken Little, someone who runs in circles and screams hysterically about some genuinely perceived threat. These are people who are making trillions of dollars off of something they know to be a lie.

How do I know they know it's a lie? It doesn't take a genius to realize that if Al Gore really believed in Global Warming he'd get rid of the private jet and start bicycling places. Anyone remember in 2007 when he got busted for having a house that consumed twenty times the electricity of the average home? It shamed him into retrofitting his home with Green Technology... which made his power bills increase by 10%. He claims his actual consumption doesn't matter because he purchases carbon offsets... the very thing he himself sells to make billions of dollars.

So please, stop calling them "alarmists."  It doesn't accurately reflect the fact that these people aren't just falsely claiming the sky is falling, they're enriching themselves in the process.  Hoaxers is what they are.  And now that their last shred of evidence, the vanishing Arctic Ice, has magically re-appeared hoaxers is what we can all see them for.


  1. My theory about many that live the Al Gore lifestyle (not those that share his megalomania) is that it's a combination of pragmatism and elitism. They may well think that for every emission from their private planes they are getting the overall emissions of the planet reduced much more, by their participation in conferences and celebrity fundraisers. In every collectivist movement though, there are always some that see their innate goodness as being above that of the common man, and that therefore they constitute an exception to the rules everyone else must live under. Commissar Gore is such an exception.

  2. I don't know whether to laugh or cry over this:
    The sad part is, the same people that believed that the 2012 NJ hurricane damage was due to global warming/cooling/change probably WOULD believe that it causes "firenados" or sharknados or manbearpigs.